Piss Clear  -- Black Rock City's favorite alternative newspaper

Home > Articles > 1997 >                                             

Child-care tips on the playa
by PF

Once upon a time, it was pretty rare to see children at Burning Man. I mean, seriously, what conscientious, responsible parent is going to subject the trusting, unsullied eyes of their spawn to the rampant nudity, arson, destruction, anarchy, and general mayhem typical of Burning Man?

But as the festival gets more popular, and as a good portion of BM's original target market of "too-busy-with-my-art-to-even-think-about-kids" hipsters succumb to "last-chance-to-breed" hysteria, it's obvious that the playa has become a playground.

Because we at Piss Clear want to help make Burning Man a pleasant experience for the whole family, here are a few tips for parents bringing their kids to Black Rock City this year:

1.Kids can get in for free, but only if you put them in the trunk (or other hidden compartment) while going through the front gate.

2.While you take drugs and wander around the desert, avoid losing track of your youngsters. The best way to do this is by tying (or Velcro'ing) them to your back before you take off. If your child is very heavy or you have a bad back, try Plan B: dig a deep hole in the playa and tie the tot's legs to a big rock.

3.If you do lose your kid at Burning Man, don't worry. Simply go to the Cafe tent in Central Camp and ask to have them paged. There should be "white courtesy telephones" spread liberally around the playa this year.

4.Parental Guidance Suggested! The artists that produce so-called "theme camps" can sometimes have disturbing and unsavory senses of humor, creating sexual and violent imagery you may not be comfortable allowing your child to see. Thanks to pressure from concerned-parent groups, theme camps are now required to display "ratings," denoting sexual or violent content, naughty words, etc., on the entrance to their exhibits. If you see a theme camp without a rating, please report them to one of the Black Rock Rangers.

5.If your brat proves to be too much of a hassle and you decide you don't want it anymore, stop by the Modest Proposal theme camp to drop the little tyke off. Some campers may be low on food and will appreciate the donation.

6.The desert's unfamiliar surroundings can cause some children to break out in hysterical crying fits. Be sure to keep lots of duct tape on hand.

7.Sunday afternoon is the traditional "solitude time" of the weekend, so you'll want to leave your little one near an easy-to-find landmark÷say, for instance, The Man. Then go off to explore your own inner child, and plan to come back around eight o'clock to regroup.

10.If you're currently pregnant and are considering bringing your infant to Burning Man â98, remember that abortion is safe up through the second trimester.

So there you have it. The staff of Piss Clear sincerely hope that you and your heathen offspring enjoy Burning Man this year, and that your children don't have any nasty accidents.

© 2002 Piss Clear
Web site design and construction by David Wisz