Child-care tips on the playa
Once upon a
time, it was pretty rare to see children at Burning Man. I mean, seriously,
what conscientious, responsible parent is going to subject the trusting,
unsullied eyes of their spawn to the rampant nudity, arson, destruction,
anarchy, and general mayhem typical of Burning Man?
But as the
festival gets more popular, and as a good portion of BM's original target
market of "too-busy-with-my-art-to-even-think-about-kids" hipsters
succumb to "last-chance-to-breed" hysteria, it's obvious that the
playa has become a playground.
at Piss Clear want to help make
Burning Man a pleasant experience for the whole family, here are a few tips for
parents bringing their kids to Black Rock City this year:
1.Kids can get in
for free, but only if you put them in the trunk (or other hidden compartment)
while going through the front gate.
2.While you take
drugs and wander around the desert, avoid losing track of your youngsters. The
best way to do this is by tying (or Velcro'ing) them to your back before you
take off. If your child is very heavy or you have a bad back, try Plan B: dig a
deep hole in the playa and tie the tot's legs to a big rock.
3.If you do lose
your kid at Burning Man, don't worry. Simply go to the Cafe tent in Central
Camp and ask to have them paged. There should be "white courtesy
telephones" spread liberally around the playa this year.
Suggested! The artists that produce so-called "theme camps" can
sometimes have disturbing and unsavory senses of humor, creating sexual and
violent imagery you may not be comfortable allowing your child to see. Thanks
to pressure from concerned-parent groups, theme camps are now required to
display "ratings," denoting sexual or violent content, naughty words,
etc., on the entrance to their exhibits. If you see a theme camp without a
rating, please report them to one of the Black Rock Rangers.
5.If your brat
proves to be too much of a hassle and you decide you don't want it anymore,
stop by the Modest Proposal theme camp to drop the little tyke off. Some
campers may be low on food and will appreciate the donation.
unfamiliar surroundings can cause some children to break out in hysterical
crying fits. Be sure to keep lots of duct tape on hand.
is the traditional "solitude time" of the weekend, so you'll want to
leave your little one near an easy-to-find landmark÷say, for instance, The Man.
Then go off to explore your own inner child, and plan to come back around eight
o'clock to regroup.
currently pregnant and are considering bringing your infant to Burning Man â98,
remember that abortion is safe up through the second trimester.
So there you have it. The staff of Piss Clear sincerely hope that you and your heathen offspring enjoy
Burning Man this year, and that your children don't have any nasty accidents.