How to not
have fun at Burning Man
by Manny Festo
A hangover in 100 degree heat is not fun.
Taking a back-flip off of a trampoline and hitting the playa
floor, while being two hours away from the nearest orthopedic surgeon, is not fun.
Letting a woman pose with your AK-47, only to have her shoot
your testicles off in a fit of suppressed rage is not fun.
Getting your dog boiled alive in a hot water pond is not fun.
Getting yourself lit on fire because you're too wrapped up
in your own self-induced hype to listen to good advice is not fun.
Letting people around you who are obviously wigged-out on
hallucinogetic drugs play with Roman candles is not fun. Ê
Bringing your dog out to the desert to have it become
dehydrated, traumatized by loud noise, and then run away to go piss on my tent,
is definitely not fun.
Playing chicken against a truck, while you're on a
motorcycle, while both of you are in a duststorm, is not fun.
Spilling gasoline on bystanders or stuffing roadflares down
your vehicle's carburator is not fun.
Sure it's fun to watch, but it's still not
Driving over an occupied tent while high on speed-balls is not fun. No matter what kind of music
you're listening to while doing it.
Overdosing on substances too exotic to be pronounced, and taking
a $5000 county helicopter ride is not
Trying to do donuts with your car on a dry lake bed, but
only managing to flip it seven times and crush your pelvis in the process, is not fun.