Nineteen ways to seriously fuck your life up at
Develop skin cancer on over 85% of your body despite buying
45 SPF sunblock÷you're too baked to put it on.
Contract Hepatitis A by eating unwashed strawberries offered
to you by some cute, naked girl.
Tell your campmates to "Chill out, dudes," when
they discover you pouring the last five gallons of water over yourself in an
effort to cool off.
Drink the contents of two dozen glowsticks, in an effort to
prove to your friends that they really are
Accept the glass of water offered to you at Camp Cholera.
Sign up for "Viagrathon" at the Midlife Crisis
Volunteer to help out with the midnight mystery performance
art at Camp Angioplasty.
Accidentally fall into a solar pit fire after taking a
powerful muscle relaxant.
Run pirate radio station K-ICE. Play Vanilla Ice recordings
Announce that Rave Camp will
happen this year, and give directions to your camp. When ravers appear, play
nothing but Madonna's Ray of Light
album over and over and ...
Attempt to dig an underground tunnel from Black Rock to
Gerlach at Camp Chunnel.
Take your brand-new, high-end video rig to the Burn on
Sunday night. Boastloudly about the excellent footage you're going to get. Yell,
"Get the fuck outta my way!" at anybody who wanders in front of your
When pulled over for speeding along Route 447, ask the
officer if you can check out his gun.
On Tuesday, wake up late and rush to take Muni, to get to
your job at an investment brokerage in the Financial District ÷ without
showering or changing out of your sarong.
÷ Drue Miller