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Tips for long distance travel from Burning Man
by Gavin Heck

Caffeine/ephedrine/whatever are not substitutes for sleep. If you start hallucinating from lack of sleep, pull over, soon.

Have your valid license, valid registration, and valid insurance handy, in case you get pulled over.

Be sure to pack the more bizarre/conspicuous things on the bottom, just in case you do get pulled over,

When/if you get pulled over, don't say that you went to Burning Man. Say instead that you simply "went camping with some friends." (Okay, 20,000 friends.)

Be polite, say "Yes sir" and "No sir," and look them in the eyes. (But don't stare like Charles Manson.) They can sense fear like animals.

Try to dress as inconspicuously as possible.

Most states have gas stations every 50-100 miles, except for Wyoming.

Avoid stopping in Wyoming. Driving through, we just got a really, really bad feeling there. It made Utah seem liberal. Of course, the Matthew Shepard killing kind of cinches it. In my limited experience of dealing with people in Wyoming, they really don't seem to like anybody "different." Besides, "They Shoot Horses, Don't They?"

Funny story about Wyoming: We got stopped there by a pig after being followed for about twenty miles. Something about "van came up registered as a truck." (Yeah, right.) Somehow, my travelling companion ended up telling the cop about Burning Man, and how we had driven this van full of five virtual strangers across the country and we were heading back. After the nice officer finished grilling him, I was up.

The question of the moment was, "How can I be sure that there are no drugs in the van?"

My answer? "I think we did them all out there, sir."

He laughed. He let us go.



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