No playa gifts!
Of all the
things that give me the urge to make playa spin-art out of my lunch, nothing
does it better lately than the ridiculous 'playa gifts' given out by those
grinning, candyass visitors to my camp at all hours of the morning.
these people; they mosy up to you when you're right in the middle of spreading
Vegemite on your bagel, all teeth and dilated pupils with a bag slung over
their shoulder, like some raving Santa Claus. They invariably try to butter you
up by complimenting something or other, and then they lay it on you:
you like a glittery Pokemon sock puppet? I made them myself."
deranged souls... I might actually feel sorry for them if they weren't so damn
annoying. You can just tell they spent all summer on the project, in a
desperate effort to appear like a 'participant,' wasting valuable time they
could have used to, say, take ballroom-dancing lessons.
made them myself." NO SHIT. Like you would BUY five hundred glittery
Pokemon sock puppets to distribute at Burning Man like so many hamster pellets?
already anticipating their response to my rancor... 'You don't have to accept
it.' Come on, you know the score; if I
don't accept the stupid gift, I look like an asshole. I mean, I may BE an asshole,
but I sure don't want to LOOK like one...
me wrong -- I would gladly take something cool or useful (like booze, for
instance). But nine times out of ten it's just useless and/or hideous. A
perfect example is the hand-sewn Mr. Hankies from 1999. I mean, they were sort
of cute, but what a hack job! Excuse me, but they looked like crap!
little gifts do absolutely nothing for me except fill up my already-crammed
backpack. Why do people go to all the trouble? Is it peer pressure? What burns
me up the most is my suspicion that they're secretly hoping for something in
return... preferably something they can consume on the playa so they won't have
to carry it home.
to all you gift-bearers: By unloading your superfluous knick-knacks on me, you
are passing the 'leave-no-trace' buck. As it becomes obvious that no one wants
your garbage, you will resort to any means necessary to not have to take it
home yourself. Someone is going to have to pick up after you. YOUR GIFTS
BENEFIT NO ONE.
decided I'm going to keep an extra trash bag by our camp that says 'playa
gifts' and invite gift-bearers to drop them in. The most annoying bearer will
find the bag of goodies at his or her campsite on Sunday morning (as soon as
I'm done with my vegemite bagel).
give me this 'gift economy' bullshit. The fact that this behavior is ACTUALLY
SANCTIONED by our fearless leaders is just more reason for me to mistrust them.
I've got a
better idea... Why don't you save the money you would have spent on the gifts,
divide it by however many you were going to make, and distribute the cash
instead? Now, cash is something I guarantee will be well-received by all.
Oh, did you
say something about 'no commerce'? Give me a break! How did you pay for the
stuff to make all those damn gifts?