BM's Top-Secret Product Placement Plan
To the surprise and
amusement of the entire Piss Clear staff, our satellite
intercepted the following e-mail sent from the top ranks
of the Burning Man
To: All Corporate Sponsors
From: BM Office of Special Affairs
We are pleased to announce that Black Rock Enterprises, a
wholly-owned subsidiary of Burning Man, LLC, will again offer our Deluxe
Product Placement Package (DPPP) for the third successful year in a row.
This premium package offers 20 strategically-planted
'influentials' roaming the playa for the full seven days of the Burning Man
festival, specially trained to steer conversations stealthfully toward the
topic of your fine product or service, and, where applicable, to display your
Tangible proof that this tactic really works came last year,
when Coca-Cola tracked the soft drink buying habits of fourteen individuals
before and after attending Burning Man, and found that a full 83 percent had
switched from Pepsi to Coke.
This year we proudly unveil a brand-new feature of the
package ÷ the Subliminal Suggestion Add-On. If you elect to purchase this
add-on, your 'playa street team' will also specifically target persons who are
heavily self-medicated and thus highly suggestible. Initial testing has shown
that this technique is 3 to 4 times as likely to result in a sale as our
standard 'two-way' conversation method.
It should go without saying that the population of the
annual Burning Man festival consists of strong, adventurous, driven souls, who
tend to be high-profile in their respective cliques ÷ exactly the demographic
that is guaranteed to increase your customer base at least tenfold.
Yet ironically, it is this same segment which has been the
most resistant to traditional marketing efforts.Just as 'Gen X,' was a
decade ago, 'Baby Burners' are now that elusive final frontier of the consuming
public. GET THEM WHILE YOU CAN!
Most importantly, for obvious reasons. please keep this
offer ABSOLUTELY TOP-SECRET. We have several overseas accounts to receive and
launder any funds you wish to 'donate' in exchange for the terms of the DPPP.
Returning sponsors, we thank you in advance; and newcomers,
we hope you will take advantage of this fantastic program.
Office of Special Affairs