I love DisneyMan™!
I don't know what everyone is bitching about. I just love DisneyMan™.
Every year I bring my family to vacation here at DisneyMan™, and we just love it. While we're here, we enjoy all of the pre-packaged DisneyMan™ sights and sounds of The Playa™, without having to worry about things like 'nature," "weather," a "sense of direction," or "our own pathetic survival instincts." It's cool, it's easy to get to, and it's a hoot.
Now I know, most of you out there have probably heard something or another about DisneyMan™, about how dangerous it used to be, or the wild crowd. Let me tell you a little secret: it's not like that now. I sincerely doubt that it ever was.
DisneyMan™ is the ideal vacation getaway spot, especially for today's hip, young urban family. Heck, it was even featured in the California State Automobile Association's Via magazine last year. How's that for an endorsement?
DisneyMan™ is held in the same place every year, so there's absolutely no fear of not being able to find it when you get here. In fact, if you have a creative side to you, and an ability to meet deadlines, they'll even save you a place to camp. Usually a really good place too, right on the Esplanade™, with a grand view of The Man™ and the rest of The Playa™. And now they have all of these neat-o rules and regulations that make DisneyMan™ safer than a CEO in Bush's America.
They don't let people drive around like madmen in their "art cars" anymore. The 5 mph speed limit throughout the theme park is enforced by, get this, actual policemen! That's right, there are actual policemen on every corner in the park to protect me and my family and to enforce all of the rules that make DisneyMan™ such a special place for us. There are no guns, and they have really cracked down on nasty drugs, to boot.
But that's not all! There are a ton of great events and fun arts and crafts camps for the kids. And what better way to safely expose them to "fringe art" than through the filter of DisneyMan™'s highly-acclaimed Art Approval and Registration Board? Gee, I hope the Flaming Heart is back again this year!
And my wife just loves The Man™, standing so tall and erect, watching over the whole park. The night they burn The Man™ is like one big weenie roast, with firemen, fireworks for the kids, and the DisneyMan™ FireFlies™ --a professional fire-dancing troupe.
The burning of The Man™ is great, and I love the symbolism because I work for the man, and without him I couldn't afford to take this vacation every year.
We are also very excited about DisneyMan™'s WaterWorld theme this year, and converted our entire theme camp to resemble the penguin den of Marine World. You see, every year DisneyMan™ changes the theme of the park just enough so that we can recycle last year's theme camp without having to buy a complete new set of pre-fabricated poles, parachutes, tarps, and shiny-twirlie-thingies.
The one thing I will say about DisneyMan™ is that there is no way we could afford to do it without my upper-middle class San Francisco salary. All of that disposable income becomes a real necessity in order to be able to afford all of the supplies we need to make DisneyMan™ feel exactly like home, but in the safety of a highly regulated "radical self-expression" event. We had to buy a new generator this year in order to be able to power the right-fin and mouth of our lead penguin, and to provide the sound of the penguins "chatting" 24 hours a day. We also built a huge shade structure, complete with a fake ice floe, to house all of pre-fab penguins from Target. Come on by, we're at 270° and 2100°, and the penguins are waving 24/7! If you don't see us out on the "ice floe," knock, our RV is always open to new PlayaFriends™
Yes, we love DisneyMan. It is safe, fun, and so expensive that only us and our small group of similarly well-to-do friends can afford to go to it every year. We'll keep coming year after year, especially if it keeps getting safer and safer! We even thought about buying some property out here as we were leaving last year, but there's no way I'd want to bring my family out to The Playa™ without DisneyMan here. Who would protect us from ourselves?