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Ten ways Burning Man can screw up your life
by Rigged

  1. In Real Life, you're an account exec for a Fortune 500 company. But here at Burning Man, you just can't resist a visit to Shave Camp. You cut off all your hair and then get a henna tattoo on your bald dome depicting an act of fellatio. Back in Real Life, you find that henna doesn't wash off. Maybe you can wear a hat at the office until your hair grows back.

  2. You ask a sheriff to light your pipe. Are the jails in Nevada air-conditioned? Let us know when you get out.

  3. Thinking that "what happens at Burning Man stays at Burning Man," you attend an orgy and don't use condoms. Now what happens at Burning Man will keep happening to you pretty much forever.

  4. You sample every pill, powder, drink, and herb on the playa - in one night. You spend Burn night getting your stomach pumped and the next few months attending drug counseling as part of your plea bargain.

  5. Your spouse comes back to camp to find your tent moving vigorously. Opening the flap, your spouse finds you bouncing up and down on a "sweet young thang" you picked up while dancing at Sheik Jourbouti Camp. Being thrown out of the tent is just the beginning of a whole new life for you.

  6. You drop acid and decide you can fly if you jump off a high enough platform. You quickly discover that the ground isn't made of foam rubber. You'll be missed.

  7. "She said she was 18!"

  8. You sold E to a really cool guy. He liked it so much he came back with two of his friends. Friends with badges.

  9. You get home from the Burn very late the night before having to go back to work the next morning. Tired and groggy, you head off to work. On your drive to your job you get the feeling you've forgotten something. As you step into the lobby of the office tower you suddenly realize you forgot to put on your clothes.

  10. Back in Real Life, all you ever talk about is BM. Now, the only friends you have are Burners.

2002 Piss Clear
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