New world record for kissing to be set tomorrow
by Adrian Roberts
This Saturday, otherwise known as Burn Day around these parts, a gregarious man known as Stickfinger will be celebrating his birthday by attempting to set a new world's record for the most kisses in one day! He's got the folks from the Guinness Book of World Records involved, and he's hoping to solicit over 2500 kisses in 24 hours.
PISS CLEAR: What birthday are you celebrating?
Stickfinger: I'm gonna be 36.
PC: What's the current record for most kisses in a day?
S: That's the beauty of it. Currently, there is none! Last year, I got over 500 in a little over five hours, making it an unofficial record. This year is the real McCoy.
PC: So how does one get the Guinness people to actually come to Black Rock City?
S: Well, the Guinness people will not be attending per se. They've given me documents for my witnesses to sign, and my witnesses will be holding the clicker and making sure the count is accurate. I've lined up a bunch of friends who have volunteered an hour or three each. They'll sign off on the Guinness papers and I'll be snapping some photos to augment the claim. Not every kiss, mind you, just the good ones - like last year, when two naked women kissed me at the same time, or the three lesbians who all kissed me at once. Hee hee...
PC: Do kisses on the cheek count, or do they have to be on the lips?
S: Um, I'm pretty sure 2500 kisses on the lips would mean I'd end up with someone's cold sores. I'm offering my cheek, and if some hotty decides to jam her tongue down my throat, who am I to argue?
PC: Are you with a particular camp?
S: Nope, though I am on the DPW, and I'm a Ranger. I had to get special permission from the Rangers to not Ranger that day, as it is Burn Day and we're all supposed to work it.
PC: You're both a Ranger and DPW? Are you a glutton for punishment?
S: Actually, I like it that the Rangers think they are so cool, and the DPW really is so cool. It's fun to hang out with the DPW and Ranger-bash, and it's fun to hang out with the Rangers and gripe about the DPW.
I've already been out here for a month DPWing. Now I've got my Ranger hat on and I'm trying to keep people from exploding themselves. And then once Exodus is over, someone has to mop up the moop, and that'll be me.
PC: Do you have something against just kicking back in Black Rock City and relaxing?
S: Evidently, you've never Rangered. All you do mostly is walk from one installation to another, testing their shade for shadiness, and pretending you know something, unless a DPW rig goes raging by at 30 mph, in which case you're forced to admit that you're just a poser with a radio and a sexy hat.
The main advantage of Rangering, in fact, is that you get a seat in front of everyone else for the Burn. This year, I will forego that, and be working the crowd for my kisses. Life is tough in BRC.