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Bitter Love 1996
Sex advice from Dan Bitter

Hey Breeder:

I'm 22 years old, straight, and very good-looking, or at least that's what all my current girlfriends say. My question is this: I heard Burning Man is a great place to get laid, but all the babes here are freaks. What's a tactful way to ask a chick if she has a pierced labia or some weird shit like that?

-- Proudly Unpierced

Hey, P.U.:

I think there's a football game on in Gerlach. If you leave now, maybe you can catch the last quarter.

Hey Breeder:

I met this cute guy in the mud pit yesterday, and we started talking and stuff, when all of a sudden he let his load out right there in the pit! I told him he was disgusting and inconsiderate of everyone else in the mud, but he swears he didn't come. He says it's common for a white slimy liquid to come out of the penis spontaneously, and that it wasn't come. Now, I know better than that, but just to make sure, what do you think?

-- Badly Spooged

Hey B.S.:

Of course it was cum, you ditz, and not only is it inconsiderate, it's highly unsafe. With dozens of people squirming all over each other, any HIV-infected cum can easily squirm its way into someone's asshole or open wound. If you got any on you, B.S., you should definitely start to worry.

Hey Breeder:

I like to practice safe sex in the desert, but I never know what to do with the condom afterwards. I don't want to just leave it there for someone to find on their way to rave camp, but I can't just lie there and hold it between my fingers while I'm cuddling. What do I do?

-- Condilemma

Hey C:

Ever heard of a ziploc bag, bonehead? That's what they were originally designed for, holding used condoms. And make sure you put it in your non-burnables trash bag; you don't want to treat your fire-buddies to the aroma of barbecued sex.

Got a question for Dan Bitter? Keep it to yourself, asshole.



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