Bitter Love 1996
Sex advice from Dan Bitter
I'm 22 years old, straight, and very good-looking, or at
least that's what all my current girlfriends say. My question is this: I heard
Burning Man is a great place to get laid, but all the babes here are freaks.
What's a tactful way to ask a chick if she has a pierced labia or some weird
shit like that?
-- Proudly Unpierced
I think there's a football game on in Gerlach. If you leave
now, maybe you can catch the last quarter.
I met this cute guy in the mud pit yesterday, and we started
talking and stuff, when all of a sudden he let his load out right there in the
pit! I told him he was disgusting and inconsiderate of everyone else in the
mud, but he swears he didn't come. He says it's common for a white slimy liquid
to come out of the penis spontaneously, and that it wasn't come. Now, I know
better than that, but just to make sure, what do you think?
-- Badly Spooged
Of course it was cum, you ditz, and not only is it
inconsiderate, it's highly unsafe. With dozens of people squirming all over
each other, any HIV-infected cum can easily squirm its way into someone's
asshole or open wound. If you got any on you, B.S., you should definitely start
I like to practice safe sex in the desert, but I never know
what to do with the condom afterwards. I don't want to just leave it there for
someone to find on their way to rave camp, but I can't just lie there and hold
it between my fingers while I'm cuddling. What do I do?
Ever heard of a ziploc bag, bonehead? That's what they were
originally designed for, holding used condoms. And make sure you put it in your
non-burnables trash bag; you don't want to treat your fire-buddies to the aroma
of barbecued sex.
Got a question for Dan Bitter? Keep it to yourself, asshole.