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Weekday drug report 2001
Your Guide to a Safe Trip on the Playa.
by Shaft@gigsville.org

KNOWN PROBLEM SUBSTANCES
Users should approach these drugs with caution:

DESCRIPTION: Blue tablet with Apple logo.
STREET NAME: System X.
ANALYSIS: Nice visuals, but user will crash if he or she opens too many windows of perception.

DESCRIPTION: Grey tablet with Elephant icon.
STREET NAME: G.O.P's.
ANALYSIS: 10% MDMA, 30% Sominex, 60% Immodium AD. Drug can lead to a smug sense that helping others is best accomplished through inaction. Side effects include seeking favor from the wealthy and a spiritual affinity for "Touched by an Angel."

DESCRIPTION: Syringe with clear liquid and "D" markered on side.
STREET NAME: Drano.
ANALYSIS: Actual Drano. Shoot only into intestines to cure clogs.

DESCRIPTION: Car keys jammed into eyeballs.
STREET NAME: The Big Mitsubishi.
ANALYSIS: Side effects include pain, headaches, loss of vision, and inability to drive.

DESCRIPTION: Nuprin.
ANALYSIS: Little. Yellow. Different.

GOOD ECSTACY
The following have been determined to contain 100% MDMA:

DESCRIPTION: Brown tablet with face of Richard Nixon.
STREET NAME: Tricky Dicks.
ANALYSIS: See Camp Kissinger, and ask if they "have the tapes."

DESCRIPTION: Pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers.
STREET NAME: Unavailable due to copyright issues.
ANALYSIS: Found only from elusive, paranoid leprechaun.

DESCRIPTION: MDMA suppository shaped like Dr. Who's TARDIS.
STREET NAME: Time and Realtive Dimension in Your Ass.
ANALYSIS: Obscure drug of interest only to hardcore fans of British sci-fi. Insert into rectum, leave planet.

DESCRIPTION: Gray tablet with Thumbs-Up.
STREET NAME: Fonzies.
ANALYSIS: "Ayyyyyyyy!"

WORD ON THE STREET

MARKET REPORT: In accordance with Burning Man's "No Commerce" policy, all dealers have agreed to apply the barter system to drug exchanges. The market value of one eighth of marijuana is now two Power Bars, one alien-head necklace, and a blow job.

WARNING: Avoid a naked red-haired man with a moustache charging ten dollars to "smoke his pole." There will be no smoking involved.

-Have a safe trip!-



2002 Piss Clear
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