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Drug Guide for Dummies 2001
by Tokyo Rico

ALCOHOL
When camping in the desert, it's a good idea to drink lots of hard alcohol until you feel nauseous. The liquor will kill undesirable bacteria in your stomach. You will then vomit up that bacteria, possibly for several hours. This is normal, and should be encouraged drinking more liquor will facilitate the process.

It's also a good idea to be drunk on alcohol when choosing a sexual partner.

ECSTASY
When dropping E, the important thing is to avoid water and move quickly. This will keep you as high as possible. You'll also notice that you want to touch strangers. Do it! Especially if the stranger happens to be an exploding 50-foot tall wooden man.

MUSHROOMS
These delicious fungi should always be eaten plain, with nothing to mask their exquisite flavour. Remember, everything you see on mushrooms is real. So, if a ghostly beast descends from the sky and instructs you to run past the trash fence and far out into the desert for miles and miles without food or water, just do as you're told and run. Run!

ACID
A proper dose of acid is usually between ten to fifteen tabs. Rule of thumb: the more, the better. While under the influence, try to think about upsetting or unhappy things: recent deaths in the family, personal failures, the frightening voidlike emptiness of the universe. It's sure to enhance your trip. Oh, and if you're still high after three hours, congratulations! You might never come down!

COCAINE
This calming substance is just the thing if you want a smooth, mellow buzz that lasts a long, long time. For an even more soothing experience, try cutting the cocaine with scrubbing cleanser or your choice of powdered industrial solvent. Then just kick back, relax, and let others do the talking.

NITROUS OXIDE
Nitrous makes you want to shake that boo-tay, so grab a balloon full and get your ass on the dance floor! If you fall down, don't worry you just haven't inhaled enough nitrous. Nitrous is also the late-night driver's drug of choice for a special high, turn your headlights off.

MARIJUANA
Just about the only downside of pot is that, when you smoke it, the police are able to read your mind. So keep far away from the police. One more thing: There are lots of undercover cops at Burning Man. Some of your best friends may be the police.



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