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A Barfly's Guide to Burning Man 2003
by Iignota

Okay Alice, forget about acid, mushhrooms, grass, and that evil-smelling Jimson weed. If you sizzle your synapses on the playa tonight, things will only morph into a pack of fire-breathing, electroluminescent, flesh-eating slugs. The drug of choice for Black Rock City is, of course, firewater. Follow this simple program, and you will have the best Burn of your life:

Start the day with a healthy breakfast of Joy Juice: fill a wide mouth water bottle with fruit juice, sliced bananas, strawberries, chopped ice, and a pint of vodka. Cover and shake. Share with your friends. You're ready to start the day!

Want to piss clear? The Barfly Guide recommends you carry Giggle Water wherever you go on the playa: six parts water to one part hooch. A bona fide barfly will drink more water this way, it stands to reason.

When the sun is down, you're ready to get out of your mind. Forget the Ecstasy, especially you alcoholic stud hammers. There's nothing ecstatic about trying to 'thumb it in', now is there? No worries, Casanova. What you need is some Blind Tiger - guaranteed to take you to the next level: 4 oz. vodka, 4 oz. tequila, chopped ice and topped off with plenty of Red Bull. If you like, add a splash of lime juice and a slice or two of fruit. Shake. Drink. Roar. Stumble around in the dark. You are now a blind tiger.



2002 Piss Clear
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