Playa Lingo 1999
by Bryan Finch and Penfold
A straight guy who is attracted to someone who he thinks is
a woman, but is not... quite...
Yeah, that guy was
really hot for the editor of Piss Clear, but it turns out he was just being an accidental fag.
Any form-, rule-, or guideline-obsessed Burning Man
I hear that the
organizers used to have much more fun out here, before they all had to become
Idiots that would die out on the playa, if not for the fine
work of the Black Rock Rangers and the Washoe County Sheriff, but instead are
allowed to pollute the gene pool of Black Rock City.
Every year, there seem
to be more and more of Darwin's bastards coming out to Burning Man.
People who constantly try to wipe the dust off their new
tech vests bought at Old Navy or The Gap ten minutes before they headed out to
the Black Rock Desert.
If a big storm kicks
up, those dusters will be the first ones to flee.
Any unattented dog or child.Ź
Look at all that fresh
meat! Now where the fuck did I put my barbeque sauce!
Apparitions that emerge from their air-conditioned RV's only
after the outside temperature dips below 85 degrees.
They say they're
20,000 people out here, but I swear, half of them must be ghosts.
An overly authoritative Black Rock Ranger.
I'd have finished my
art installation a lot sooner if I hadn't been interupted every ten minutes by
those khaki motherfuckers checking to see if my artwork was 'official' and up
A stinky plastic bag of garbage that ends up sitting next to
you as drive off the playa on your way home.
If we had learned to
pack our food more efficiently before we came out here, we wouldn't be stuck
driving home with all these plastic buddies.
The preferred mode of travel at Burning Man.
Wind + dust + sweat + mud - bath = playa hair.
The muddy, clompy footwear worn by Burners following rain.
That weird chemical burn on the hands that one can sometimes
get from alkaline mud.
A strange time zone that usually lags a good 2 to 3 hours
behind regular time. Similar to drag time. Oh, that eventās gonna start at 10
p.m., playa time.
An elusive, purported to be apocryphal animal, in the same
genus and species as the Jackalope and Chupacabra.
A nasal condition (clogs or nosebleeds) caused by playa
dust, combined with the altitude, high temperature, and lack of humidity.
The clumps of playa mud left on Highway 447 as one leaves
The fine dust thatās gets in and on everything ÷ and it
doesnāt go away!
Black Rock City residents Penfold and his wife Dena, who
provide off-playa mail delivery to Gerlach, with mail inked with a
commemorative stamp made specially for each year.
A ginger brew martini.
The condition you experience upon arriving on the playa,
when you canāt remember where you put things you laid down five minutes ago.
When everything they told you on the ticket or on the e-mail
list or in the Survival Guide or at the Ranger Station becomes null and void.
First arrival on the playa of the Black Rock Desert
Pissing clear, going to bed at 10 a.m., getting up at 4
p.m., and being active all night.
Yes, that super-dry desert air does wonders for the size and
crustiness of boogers.
That obsessive need to attend Burning Man every single year.
The great bullshit stories people tell in and about Black
Getting sucked into working for someone in the name of
We were almost off the
playa, when we had to make one last pledge break to hlep push start some guy's
35-year old VW bus.
That damn Washoe County Sheriff Department helicopter that
keeps buzzing around Black Rock City.
Women turned horny by the spectacle of the Burning Man.
With so many women
wet-by-fire out here, even ugly people can score!
Burning Man attendees, usually second year, that treat the
festival as a new religion, rather than a mock religion.
Those fucking zealots,
they call that an opera?