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The Time Is Now!
by Terrance McKenzie

What the hell kinda festival do you call this? A pigsty? A traffic accident? I was lead to believe so much about Burning Man, and from all I could tell, it seems like a rank-amateur production of Oh, Calcutta!

After reading about "Nevada's City of Art," I was encouraged and intrigued by what seemed to me a truly unique and interesting art exhibition. I was also fascinated with the fact that 20,000 people could come into the middle of nowhere and make a city spring to life.

But now I see the ugly truth about this charade. This Burning Man thing is nothing more than a cheap and dusty gimmick, and providing the basic elements of living seems foreign to the organizers. There isn't adequate security, amenities, waste disposal or guided activities, save the actual burn. We came here expecting the best only to be served by a bunch of rank amateurs. Come on, at least a concierge!

Unlike our immediate neighbors, we came prepared. However, we're shocked, shocked, that there were no hookups for our Winnebago-I mean, what if the septic tank overflowed? You can't explain these things to Whiffy, our Irish terrier. What if the battery dies? Perhaps my wife can't make a call on the Iridium phone. On top of that, the noise is unbearable. Hell, the way some people carry on, you'd think they had a cabaret license. Well, not in my neighborhood mister!

And as a side note, the Burning Man staff should beef up security big time. It's only a matter of time before one of these munchkins takes a swipe at someone and it'll be Kent State all over again. Why aren't there more cops?

However, I think there is hope in saving this festival, and the time is now. We must all work hard to clean up this hellhole and turn it into a place that you'd be proud to bring your grandkids. What's so wrong with giving everyone a good time, and maybe turning a buck or two? Maybe making the event Winnebago-only would keep out the riff-raff! Think about it.

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